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| 9 to 5-7-5: Office Haikus by Annonie Mouse March 2004
as "cast members." Funny, I don’t wear a mouse suit oh cube my cube— the commander of days spent in nearly a pine box these four walls cannot contain my goals, wishes, hopes. they are six feet high department number F J 6-1, cubical eighteen sixteen C oh bathroom scenter why do you lie in wait and blind me every time? Mickey, Minnie Mouse Donald, Daisy Duck, Pluto I guess I am Goofy. Anthrax in mailroom— all circulation stops. They don’t tell us why Happy Birthday cakes Farewell party pies, all make the ‘office spread’ worse Doing ten times more than what I was hired for. Please give me a raise. I hear you wear cheap suits and demand your minions’ full attention. Sad. Stock prices going down We need to raise shareholders dividends. Why me? Drink as much water from the cooler as you can. It’s the only perk. Growing up I felt I’d be president; now I just want insurance Internet habits monitored by those who want power over you Pop down fifteen floors for a cigarette; but I usually don’t smoke Caffeine infusion most necessary for a McJob. Not so good. He said "You know more than me" and laughed, but he is my current boss Federal, local State and FICA makes me not want to show at all. Direct Deposit seems a misnomer— it should be called "already gone." Labor like this makes me wonder such inane things like what is Retsyn®? We can put a man on the moon but we can’t fix the temperature Hot, cold, hot, cold, hot oh, office, you make me wild with want to go home. The coffee machine is there, hooked up; but they are too cheap to get beans Once, I opened a creamer and it was thick gray See why I look first? There should be more choice than sugar or Nutrasweet® How about NüSug®? Operation To- morrowland is coming to a cube near you. Five million websites and still not one good enough to waste all your time. Re-circed air puts the best ideas to sleep, or at least out of your head Some days I feel I need a defribulator to get through the day. Hostile takeover— does this mean I will have to get unemployment? "Give me my money! Give it back!" I suffer from vending machine blues Vacation Request yet I cannot afford to go anyplace else The Mylar balloons on your birthday gift remains on earth, forever Someone switched my chair and it totally put a glitch in my matrix Comcast, Roy, Eisie one-up capitalism the lords of the dance rid the hideous newsletter and provide some benefits for me multi-billion in value and stock options; yet no toilet paper I saw the movie "Office Space" a few years back I didn’t get it I saw the movie "Office Space" recently; I laughed so hard I cried Winter— walk across the office carpet; Fuck, I get shocked every time To: little dancing boxy computer icon of MS Word: DIE! I have stopped caring re: your Internet spying I’ll surf where I want If we get "purchased" will there be an end to the micromanagement? Lobby ten a.m. awaiting elevator slowest in the world Barcodes on all my equipment, like I would steal this outdated shit My paycheck comes from a land far away; they have the Governator Avoid hangovers? Why? Fluorescent lighting hides my sickly pallor Accounting training for the S.A.P. program made me more of a sap Upper management "encourages" our study of corporate "playbook" Vending machine— full of crap; kind of like the health and "benefits" plan Rah Rah! Overhype employees through email— We already work here Co-worker and I lamenting today: no more office romances I convinced myself the matrix has me through your promotional pen With all my downtime I use my powers to think "Is this plant real/fake?" Inter Co. email everyone gets promoted except those with brains Fluorescent bulbs flick. Inside, mysterious globs of gray. Deadly Mold? |
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The Rail invites you to a reading with Jason Flores-Williams and Brian Carreira, along with musical guest Steve Strunsky of the Lonesome Prairie Dogs. Thurs., Sept. 22, 8:30 p.m. Vox Pop--Flatbush, Brooklyn www.voxpop.net |
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OFF THE RAIL FALL 2005 at the Central Branch of the Brooklyn Public Library - Grand Army Plaza |
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The Independent Press Association-NY recently honored The Brooklyn Rail with the following awards: |